Its that time of year again!
The time when Katie gets on her computer and bitches about the fact she isnt doing anything for Halloween!
How many of you were'nt waiting for it?
*sees many raised hands* ... *nods satisfactorily* Thought so.

Argh. Where to start... considering we know the obvious, that Kt is once again, not doing anything for Halloween.
Alright, well I guess I am.
I'm camping out on my bed, making my little brother hand out candy, sulking, snarfing chips, surfing the web, REALLY wishing for pomegranates, missing my boyfriend, and otherwise being bitchy...
Hmph, its 7:00, and 3 selections of kids have come to the door.
I beleive thats more then we got all night last year.

Hmmm... where to start...
Despite this being a rant about how hard done by I am... I'm also just updating...
albiet the fact its the emo update that comes every year.
Its been a long week, and its not been made easy by the fact that I come home every night to remember why I'm such an idiot for trying to help someone.

I mean, seriously, if you need help, you aren't going to tell someone whose trying to help you that shes "kindness incarnate", and yet probably has some hidden guilt that she isn't telling you about, and really, that's why shes trying to help you.
Oh, and because of that, she thinks its more a "girl scout thing" that she has to do, and why doesn't she just get the "goody two shoes drivel out of the way?"
ARGH!
you have NO idea how FRUSTRATING THAT IS!
Finally, after weeks of stuff like that, I snapped. I dont want to feel anything anymore. I mean, I try my hardest, and I still get kicked in the ribs, why would anyone bother after that?
Then I get yelled at for being "lifeless, and emotionless" .
I wonder why I would be? Wouldn't you want to not have any emotion around someone like that?
Then he decides to apologize. I'm lucky I had people holding me back, otherwise he wouldn't have been more then shredded flesh and a tiny pool of blood.

"Sorry doesnt cut it Daniel, Sorry is just a bad cop out for what you should have been paying attention too. If I meant so much to you, why did you ALWAYS bitch at me. Why would anyone want to help someone who makes them feel worse for trying to do the right thing?"

...
*sigh*
he'll be brought up in the ranting a lot i'm guessing... I've been furious all day...
Of course then his guardian came in and started making me feel worse. I've been sitting around in a pool of self hatred for a week and a half, so, this didn't help.

I hate the fact that I finally get a bit of hope in my life, a boyfriend and a new way of seeing things, and I cant have that. because someone else decided that it wasn't fair that I got to be happy when they wernt.
No thanks to themselves of course.

Bleh. Mmm... so other then that, I've got a lil monies, a boyfriend, and a love of university that will not soon leave.
I totally love my course, despite its oddness. Its interesting, although I think it should be a rule that all teachers should be drama teachers at least once in their carreer. Makes them so much more interesting to listen too.
I miss st Francis so much.
St Annes is cool, I guess. Too far away, and rather unfriendly.
But ok, I guess.I like taking the train. Minus the pain of the train, which mostly includes, being sardine canned, which I can stand... sorta...
What I hate is when my knees lock, or pop, and that just is plain painful. Course then I get to take the path and walk to st annes. Which also isnt bad. There is something about the elbow river path that is just really calming. The water eddies around, and there are various green deep spots that really just make me wonder if I put a tiny boat there, would it whirl around in the water? or would it rush for the rapids?

Mmph. The pumkin lights are bugging me. They flash, I'm not sure why. But I can see them from my room, and it bugs me.
Pumpkin carving however, is fun. I like the way we do it. although, one must be careful with tiny attatching pieces, and must be careful not to break the blade. Dull blades are probably very difficult to work with. Mom was doing so before she switched to a newer set we had, that I was working with.

I should totally do that next year too. Its fun. I still think the scariest thing on a pumpkin would be "The Guy" from Disturbed...
I swear that face is freaking scary... Wonder if it would be like chip carving wood? Where you can only take a few pieces out?
...
Yes I know i'm odd.
But I'm calmer. By a lot. I miss Skye though. a lot.
He met my parents not too far back. Completely by accident... sorta...
Mom thought i said "can"
I said "cant."
Subsequently, he ended up staying for dinner.
Which despite my brother being beyond an asshole, was fun. ish. Gods, my siblings behaive bad when they have someone to impress.
Despite that, Johanna is less skeptical about him now. Hes a chess player, and shes been trying to get good at it.
So they played chess whilst I sliced mushrooms with scary knife strikes. *bangbangbangbangbang*
etc...

I'm surprised how many people wish to take care of me.
Not many... and one thing i also find interesting, is how far people have gone away from what we were.
I miss Nik, I think...
I see my friends, not often, but often enough to miss them.
I havent seen Nik in ages.
Albiet hes an idiot, whose afraid of us.
But most guys are at this age... All guys are at this age.
Hes just the one I used to rely on, if no one else, to be constant. To be seen above all else,
if nothing else. Cause hes tall enough that you could always tell where he was.
Or wasnt. Because he always was constant, because he kept me solidly on my feet.
For all that, I miss him.
He was a constant then, hes a constant now. Just now hes a constant idiot.

I guess, one thing I've always wanted to know, was that I was important to poeple.
Something I dont beleive i've seen so often in the forms of my friends.
You can say it a lot. But few of them have shown me.
Dan for one. Has not.
Hes spoken it many times.
But he doesnt mean it, and if he reads this, he'll get mad. Which means that he still doesnt get it.
Folly to the fools, I guess. But come on now world, Its time to grow up.

I feel better. I know i'm cared for. I know I'm loved.
Despite the crap that goes on in my life.
The furry and anger I feel, or even just the contentment in the company of friends,
I am safe. I am loved, and I am cared for.
Some just have harder times showing someone they care.
But its the spirit that speaks, this I know.
Some are just learning the language to speak with. Others know it by heart.
In this way, you can tell who means it.
Because some are just speaking with a voice that is human.
Others speak with a soul.

I'm done for this year. My ranting is finished.
Wasnt a bad night, all said and done. Besides that, now I have a muse.
Or several. Depends what you beleive.

Of course, the night isnt over yet... is it?